It’s official. Bono and his band of merry Irishmen have sold out not one, but two headlining nights at Chicago’s Soldier Field. Good thing we still have tickets to give out.
Whether you hate ‘em or love ‘em, the band has a following. A lot of that is thanks to their humanitarian-driven frontman who seems to have won just about every award out there. Grammys, VMAs, ASCAPs, Juno Awards, BRIT awards. He even has a Golden Globe. Then add in all the humanitarian awards, his prestigious TED Prize, and listed as TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year in 2005. All of it just makes us feel inadequate. So we’d like to take a moment and point out all of the things Mr. Bono hasn’t won:
Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Competition
Sure you can sell 100 records without trying, but I’d like to see you eat 100 hot dogs and live to tell the tale.
World Extreme Cagefighting Lightweight Division
While we’ve all seen Bono express his spry stage rocking abilities, we seriously doubt he would come out a winner in a closed space… with another guy trying to break his nose.
International Jugglers Association Award of Excellence
We don’t care how many starving 3rd world children you’ve saved, until you can twirl three flaming bowling pins through the air while simultaneously playing hacky sack you aren’t a hero in our eyes.
NFC Division Championship
We don’t think we’re alone when we say that you Bono are no Brian Urlacher. You aren’t even a Rex Grossman.
Fought a Buffalo NY Cab Driver over 20 Cents
We understand that you fight for what you believe in with human rights and iPod commercials… but here in Chicago, we look up to people who fight for correct change.
So there you go. Just a couple things that Bono has failed to accomplish, and until he does, we’re just not impressed.
August 27th, 2009 - 10:54 am
I don’t actually hate or love Bono. I think U2’s music is alright (although I find it a bit boring sometimes…) but I also think the whole “I hate Bono/U2″ thing is totally played out. It seems like it’s just something people do now to be hip. I don’t like this attitude that if someone tries to do something positive that we should ridicule them. If Bono wants to use his celebrity/popularity to try to “make the world a better place” then good for him. Sure it probably feeds his ego too, but so what?
August 27th, 2009 - 5:54 pm
As much as I dislike Bono you do have to appreciate his efforts.
August 28th, 2009 - 10:12 am
I am a huge U2 fan. Dare I say, had I the resources I would be quite the stalker. Bono is my fave. I can say the cliche things like “U2’s music is the soundtrack of my life!” or “Bono and the boys care about the world.” While true, the bottom line is, I just plain love them and their music. But, I also can laugh my arse off at this list. It’s brilliant. Frankly, I’m surprised you missed the Tour de France or Wimbledon. But that’s okay. Bono is only 49. Who knows….
Peace!