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Think of what could be your worst experience at the dentist office; does it include a root canal being preformed with a paper clip? Didn’t think so!

The San Francisco Chronicle reported earlier this week about a Massachusetts dentist named Michael Clair who was billing Medicaid for stainless steel dentist tools, yet actually using paper clips in patient’s teeth. Not only is this crazy dentist being charged with assault, but battery, larceny, submitting false claims to Medicaid, and illegally prescribing drugs too.

Add this to the list of why people are afraid of taking a trip to the dentist.

Anna Kournikova received news this morning that her mother, Alla Kournikova, was arrested for child neglect after she left Anna’s 5 year old half-brother, Allan, home alone. He jumped out of a second story window and landed on the sidewalk. Neighbors found the boy in pain and bleeding, so the police were called and when Alla arrived back at the house, she was arrested.

She told the officers that the house was locked and that she only left for an hour, but they didn’t but that. The boy is currently in the hospital, but is ok.

(CBS) A pair of pilots struck with mid-air hunger pangs landed their planes on a city lake in Minnesota Monday in order to grab a bite to eat at a nearby restaurant.

Two small, older-model planes landed on the north end of the Lake Calhoun, near Minneapolis. The pilots hopped out and later told people they wanted to get a hamburger at the lakeside restaurant Burger Jones, reports CBS affiliate WCCO.

The local police were not amused.

The pilots received citations for the illegal landing and the Federal Aviation Administration was called. The FAA inspected the planes and the pilots’ licenses to make sure they could take off.

Police said the fine associated with each ticket could be up to $1,000, WCCO reports.

I have to admit, the Burger Jones menu did seem a little hard to pass up. However, one would think that pilots would use a little more common sense because they have been all over the news lately.

Safety first! Remember, dance with caution. You may get hurt, or worse – embarrass yourself!

Cops: Man Who Took Champagne Nabbed For 63rd Time

(AP) CHICAGO (AP) – Chicago police said a West Side man who allegedly tried to walk out of a store with three expensive bottles of champagne under his jacket now has 63 arrests under his belt. Officers said the 70-year-old man was initially charged with misdemeanor retail theft, but the charge was upgraded to a felony Monday after authorities look over his extensive police record, which included 62 prior arrests.

Chicago Police News Affairs Officer Michael Fitzpatrick said the man was arrested late Sunday afternoon after allegedly swiping champagne from a Lake View neighborhood Whole Foods store. Fitzpatrick said the suspect has used at least 50 aliases over the years.

The champagne was valued at $135.

I wonder what he was planning on doing with all that high end champagne…

The sport of soccer is just another thing Americans just haven’t gotten the hang of yet, like the metric system and universal healthcare. Well one player on the New Mexico University women’s squad is out to change that by introducing something all red-blooded Americans love: blatant aggression.

Elizabeth Lambert has become a mini-Internet celebrity on the same level as that the Obama Girl and that kid who had his finger bit by Charlie.

While she may strike you as another beautiful co-ed, she has a dark side on the football field. Throwing elbows, tripping players… she does it all. The game is physical yes, but until they add a checkered ball to UFC fights, these kind of things shouldn’t happen in a soccer game. While a couple elbows may not matter, the clutch play is certainly the “pony-tail throwdown” on a player from BYU towards the end of the video clip above. That little nugget got her suspended indefinitely from the team and catapulted her to YouTube Greatness.

But what I think all the JACK listeners are wondering is why Chicago Bears’ Tommie Harris was looking to female soccer players for tips in the game last Sunday.

ESSEX, Md. (AP) – A Baltimore city police officer delivered the fright of a lifetime to a haunted house employee, pulling a gun on the chain-saw-wielding man at the end of his act, authorities said Monday.

Sgt. Eric Janik, 37, was charged with assault and reckless endangerment for pointing his service handgun at the worker, who was dressed as Leatherface, the killer from “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” Baltimore County police said.

The employee, Mike Morrison, followed Janik and several other people up a staircase Sunday night at the end of the haunted house tour in a bid to get “one last scream” out of them, police said.

When the group exited into a parking lot, Janik pulled his gun and pointed it at Morrison from less than 10 feet away, according to police and Morrison, who said he dropped the chain saw, put his hands up and backed away. The saw had no chain.

Only then did Janik identify himself as a police officer, said Morrison, who retreated into the building.

“I started shaking pretty bad,” he told The Associated Press.

Another employee of the House of Screams called police.

According to charging documents, Janik smelled of alcohol and told police two different stories about what he did with the gun. First, he denied drawing the weapon, but later he said he pointed it at the ground.

(AP) ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) – A St. Paul bank teller refused to hand over cash to a gunman and lived to tell about it. Authorities said the would-be robber walked into the Cherokee State Bank on Tuesday afternoon. He pointed a handgun at a teller and demanded money, but when she refused, he ran away with nothing.

St. Paul police spokesman Sgt. Paul Schnell said it’s best for victims confronted by a robber to comply. Schnell said, “Sometimes, they respond as this man did, but sometimes they don’t.”

The FBI described the suspect as a white man in his 30s, 5-feet-8 to 6 feet tall, with a slender to medium build. He was wearing a black coat, blue jeans, a white bandanna around his neck, and a red baseball cap.

It must have been his first time…

Funny skit from SNL, don’t be part of the system – just throw it on the ground!

The Internet has been having a field day with Chicago’s hip-hop star, Kanye West, ever since he interrupted poor Taylor Swift at the MTV Video Music Awards two weeks ago. From interrupting Obama’s Health Care address (below) to hilarious apology letters that you can apply to just about anything.

But now – you can use the Kanyelicious web application to have Mr. West interrupt your website. Here’s what it would look like if Kanye tried to take down Jack.

Make your own here.